Letting Go
by PennyGirl
Summary: A mother's thoughts on the day on the day in which she loses her daughter. one shot fic


Disclaimer: I don't own PotS, and am therefore making no money off of this story. (And yes, I know that I said I wouldn't write anymore stories until I was finished with Daughter's Pride, but this idea popped into my head and I just had to write it down.)

Letting Go (a one shot fic)

            I love my daughter. I love her to no end. And I would do anything for her and would never give her up for anything.

            When she had first told me she wanted to be a knight, I wasn't so sure. But eventually she got me to agree, and I supported her decision, knowing the injuries that would occur and the dangers to her health, and maybe her heart. I knew that one day, if--no, _when _she became a knight, and went into battle, that I could, and most likely would lose her. Someone would come when I least expected it and take her away from me long before I was ready, and she would be gone, and I wouldn't ever get her back, because her life would be somewhere else. And I just wouldn't be able to help her after that, no matter how much I would want to.

            I remember when she was first born. She was so tiny, and small, and I thought that she would never grow up to be a very big person. But the girl turned out to be a weed, and she grew so much in those years of her training, when I could only really speak to her through our letters, and see her during her summers as a page, or those two ghastly years that we were on progress.

            She had always dreamed of being a knight, and that look on her face when she'd received her shield will always be with me. It was a dream come true to see her knighted, not just for me, but for her father, and her friends, and countless women everywhere, who dared to dream a dream like her's.

            She'd been a knight for eight years when I found out what was going to happen. I didn't expect to lose her to this for another ten, or at least until I was ready. Which, when I think about it, would probably have been never.  Because, in truth, what mother would ever be truly ready to lose their daughter? 

            I remember a discussion I'd had with her father once, about the troubles of her love life. But, now that I think about it, her love life had never been an issue to worry about. I even told her so one time while we were on progress. I knew my daughter was no fool, and I had no doubt in my mind that she would choose well when it came to the matters of her heart. 

            Come to think of it, I never found out if she bedded that Kennan boy or not, and she never told me. I just never thought it was my business to know that. If she didn't want to tell me what was going on, than I just didn't need to know. Although when she got involved with a man who was in the King's Own, I got involved. I went to the man and asked him who he was, why he was interested in my daughter, and what his intentions were; a duty usually reserved for a young woman's father. I didn't do it to be cruel. Like I said, I love my daughter. It's just that…

            Well the Own have their ways. They're always gone, saving some distant part of Tortallan land that's in danger, and I knew that a relationship would be hard for them to have with one another. And besides, there was also the rule about marriage in the Own. And I could see as plainly as the nose on my face that she was madly in love with this man. And I could see that her heart would not easily let him go. 

            But none of that matters now, because my daughter's a grown woman, and I can no longer take care of her. And, now that I'm thinking about it, I realize that it's hard to be a mother, and see your daughter being taken away from you. It's so hard to let them go; to know that they're no longer yours to protect and care for because of the simple fact that they are leaving you for good.

            A battle occurred yesterday that helped to realize all of these thoughts even more than I had before. She had come home to visit us for an important event, and Mindelan was attacked by raiders from the Scanran border. She had ridden out on her temperamental horse to defend us and protect us, exactly the way that I thought that she would always be there to do. Then she was sliced with a sword. And the wounds looked so deep. And there had just been so much blood…

            "Mama? Are you crying?"

            I turned to face Kel from my position by the window to see the entire top of her head being decorated in the simple gray of ribbons and the bold white of her veil as Lalasa bustled around and pinned roses and baby's breath to her hair, and Tian sitting on a tall chair behind her, with a button hook between her teeth as she tied up the last laces of the corset, and began on the long row of buttons that ran up the back of the embroidered grey bodice, which looked so lovely against the white sleeves, skirt, and train that made up the rest of the beautiful dress that Lalasa had made. A dress that Kel constantly swore was a true thing, and not the lie of someone wanting to hide an affair that it was rumored to have occurred before so special a day. Which I guess kind of answers my questions about how far her relationship with that Kennan boy had gone. 

            I wiped my tears and smiled. "Of course I'm crying. How often does my youngest daughter get married?" I asked her, as Kel's friend Neal walked in to check on her wound from the day before. He voiced his comments on her condition quite bluntly, telling her to hold things off until the wound had healed entirely.

            "No," Kel said firmly, rising from her seat as Tian pulled the last button through it's loop, and Lalasa placed the last flower in her hair. "I have waited too long to go through with this, and I will not let something as silly and trivial as slices on my leg and stomach stop me from doing this!"

            I hid my smile behind my hand as Lalasa shooed Neal out of the room and Tian helped her slide the soft pretty shoes that matched her dress onto her feet. My daughter was getting married. After years of arguments at court and the innumerable amount meetings that had occurred with nobles and councils, the men of the King's Own were now officially allowed to marry. And the first to do so would be Domitan of Masbolle to Keladry of Mindelan. I find it needless to say that Kel is extremely well set on her decision to marry him on this day. And understandably so. The men of the Own have been given only two days leave before they ride out to greet a delegate at the border, and Kel wanted to marry Dom with all of her family and every single one of his friends and comrades there to watch. The timetable in which that is to occur is very small, so she demanded on getting married today, wounded or not. And despite every protest made by healers, her father, or her beloved even, she had gotten up this morning only three-fourths healed, and determined to speak her vows before the people who had known her for years; many of whom had never thought that she would marry so soon, and especially in so unexpected a circumstance. I myself supported her decision to go through with this while hurt. After voicing only slight concern, I had willingly gone along with everything she wanted. More than happy that she is so determined to be this man's wife.

            "Is that it?" Kel asked her former maid and her friend as they stand back to survey their work. "Am I ready?"

            "On the outside you are," Tian commented, fidgeting with the veil and tucking a curl under a pin. "But the emotional readiness is all up to you."

            Kel smiled. "I'm ready," she said, accepting the small bouquet of roses and ribbons that Lalasa hands to her. 

            As Lalasa and Tian helped Kel to walk through the door with her simple, but still heavy and complicated, gown, I followed and question discreetly, "Need I give you a speech about your wedding night?"

            Kel blushed. "Mama!"

            I smiled. "Well, it never hurts to ask," I said, helping her to make her way across the courtyard to the rose garden, where all the guests and witnesses were waiting.

            "Mama?" Kel asked, grabbing my sleeve before I walked through the small entryway

            "Yes?" I asked, turning back to her.

            "Do you approve? Of Dom, I mean," Kel said, looking at me with such longing and hope that she looked just like she was three years old again, begging for a candy or a treat. "I won't do it if you don't approve."

            "Yes," I said softly, kissing her on the forehead before turning back to my place. "I approve."

            Kel sighed happily and stood straighter as the music beyond began to play. Later on, I would wonder to my husband why she would ask such a question, and Piers would simply reply that it was because I am her mother, and Kel understands that a mother always finds it hard to let her daughter go.  


End file.
